Lost Ring

I am so sad!  Devastated.  So mad at myself.  I was about to walk out the door to head to church when I went to put on my wedding rings.  They weren’t there.  It dawned on me that I left them in our hotel room in Florida.  Oh no!  I called, they said they would look and call me back – but no one did.  I am not hopeful.  Maybe by some miracle I will find them in a random bag, but I don’t think so.  I remember when I took them off.  Mike said, “Don’t forget those.”  I replied, “How would I forget these?”  I am so lame!  How I wish that I had forgotten them on the Disney ship.  I probably would have gotten them back.  This hotel……I doubt it.  It all depends on who finds them.  Two diamond rings and a watch.  My wedding ring that I love.  It is beautiful.  My mom’s wedding ring.  The one my dad and I took off her finger right before they closed the casket.  The one I rub my thumb on constantly when I am missing her.  The one I planned to give to Maysen to use for her wedding ring.  How could it be lost so easily?  The last day I wore it was my birthday.  We drove from the Disney boat to our hotel.  I fiddled with the ring as I cried.  I thought about how much I missed her.  I thought about how she died in her 40s and now I am in my 40s.  I thought about how much I want to see her again and how I wished I had felt her presence at Matt’s wedding.  I thought about wishing I was brave enough to ask Elder Bednar if she was there, but I wasn’t so I will never know.  I thought about all my family gathered in the temple for my cousin’s wedding.  I thought about how he gets to have his mom there and Matt only had me.  I thought about how I am a horrible replacement for her.  I thought about how different my family would be if she were still alive.  I thought about my children having a grandma.  I thought about how much love they would have received from her.  I miss her so much.  Now my greatest treasure of the reminder of her life is gone.  And it is my fault.  Maybe a miracle will happen.  How will I tell my dad.

I’m so mad.  I wasn’t even going to take the rings on the trip.  The reason I did is because our back doors are still held up with duct tape from when Mike drove the golf cart through them.  I thought, “What if someone breaks into our house and takes my rings.”  Instead I just lost them.  Lovely.

I didn't do well at church.  We were sitting right up front, as usual.  I just couldn't keep the tears from coming.  It was pretty embarrassing.  I wanted to hide, but then I would have to walk out through the entire congregation, and that would be more embarrassing.  I just really, really, really want those rings back.  What a horrible way to end a fantastic vacation.

I'm still hoping I find the rings in some random bag, but that seems unlikely.  Why would I put them in a bag and not on my fingers.  I've gone through a few bags, but I'm almost scared to go through them all. What am I going to do if they aren't there?  So, so sad.