Kneel to Honor Him

This is how Preston looked when I woke up Stockton.  Sweet little boy with a cute belly button.  He loves sleeping with blindfolds too.

Preston

Today was a hard day for me.  Something kind of bizarre happened with one of my kids.  They don't want me to write about it.  They did nothing wrong, it was just a weird situation.  Anyway, it made me really miss my mom.  I needed someone to talk to.  Mike was at work.  I let him know what was happening, but there was nothing much he could do.  I really wanted to talk to my mom.  Or Sharen.  I miss them both so incredibly much.  I laid down and tried to imagine what it would be like to talk with my mom about one of my kids.  I couldn't even imagine it. That's sad.  I have no idea what it would be like.  I tried and tried to get an idea of what it would feel like.  Nothing.  I have no idea.  I try not to get jealous of people who have moms that are alive, but it is really hard. I hope one day I find out the reason she needed to leave earth so soon, and I hope I think it was justified.  Today it just really stinks.

One reason I hate getting behind on my blog is I forget things. Thursday Maysen and I went to our Stake Women's Conference.  Maysen went out to eat with my friends first.  I love that they took her. I couldn't go because I was at diving, but I did make it to the conference.  Melanie Rasband spoke.  She was so good.  She used to live in this stake before her husband became an apostle.  Crazy!  Mike and I went to high school with her daughter.  Anyways, she said a lot of lovely things, but the one I remember most is when she was talking about the day her mom died.  Her mom's death was unexpected and it had been a long day.  When she finally crawled into bed she realized she had forgotten to say her prayers.  She decided just to say them while she was laying down.  That was when she heard her mother's voice in her mind say, "Kneel to honor Him.  He deserves to be honored."  I love that.  I have thought about that a lot over this last week.  I wish I would have had that clarity after my mom died.  I had the opposite reaction.  Praying hurt.  Really bad.  I wasn't good at it.  I had prayed so hard for my mom to live, and she didn't.  It was really hard when I started praying for her to die.  I did not want that to happen at all; but it did.  I never have been angry at Heavenly Father, but praying became incredibly hard for me.  It just hurt way too much. I would always pray during the day.  Constantly.  It was the kneeling down prayers at night that I couldn't do. I could almost physically feel a wall as I tried to shut everything out.  I wish I had my mother's voice in my mind saying, "Kneel to honor Him.  He deserves to be honored."  I know she believed that 100%.  I just wanted to run and hide.