One of my beehives had her farewell today. That is so weird. Ashley did a great job. She sent me her talk. I was going to summarize it for the blog, but I think I'll just write it out...like I do for my own kids. Ashley reminds me a lot of Jorja. Mostly when she talks about how strongly she feels things. That is totally Jorja. It was interesting how Ashley pointed out how when we are doing things right our weak things can become strong, but Satan is also aware of our strengths and can turn them into weaknesses. Anyway, here is Ashley's talk:
I'm excited to be here today! In 10 days I'll be heading to the Provo Missionary Training Center to learn how to preach the gospel in the Portuguese language. Fifty-one days from now, I'll be on a plane to my new home: Portugal.
Some fun facts about Portugal:
-It's the oldest country in Europe.
-Over 80% of the people are Catholic but less than 20% attend church regularly.
-The weather is Mediterranean and pretty dreamy--a mix of San Diego & San Francisco weather patterns.
-A typical Portugal meal could consist of salted ad dry cod, sardines, cured meats, red meats, rice, and pastries.
-Portugal is known for its beautiful landscapes. It has castles, gorgeous architecture and beautiful beaches. Some call it the "Hawaii of Europe" which is the PERFECT place for me.
-In November of 1974, the Portugal Lisbon mission was formed. The church then experienced rapid growth in Portugal. The first thousand converts were made by 1978. As of 2018, there are currently 45,227 members in Portugal. After 18 months, there will hopefully be 45,228! For the worth of one soul is great. I cannot wait to love the members, and to love everyone else in Portugal.
When we are baptized, we receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Not just being able to feel the Holy Ghost--He is everywhere and can speak to anyone, even those who are unbaptized or do not know of Jesus Christ. But after deciding to be baptized, we are given a blessing and told to "receive the Holy Ghost."
Who is the Holy Ghost? And how do we receive him? The Holy Ghost is the third member of the Godhead. Preach my Gospel describes the Holy Ghost as "a personage of spirit [who] doesn't not have a body of flesh and bones. He is the comforter, who the Savior promised would teach His followers all things and bring to their remembrance all things that He had taught them . . . By the power of the Holy Ghost a person receives a testimony of Jesus Christ and of His work and the work of His servants upon the earth. The Holy Ghost testifies of truth."
Clearly the Holy Ghost is a very important part of the work of salvation, but how we receive him in our lives varies. Everyone feels the spirit differently. Sometimes we hear the spirit as a still small voice--a whisper, a feeling, a thought. The spirit can also be felt through music, or the words of other people. We may feel the spirit in places we don't think of as "spiritual" like while taking a test, driving, talking to a stranger or witnessing an interaction. I felt the spirit when I nannied for sweet children, and even at different jobs. The spirit can be a constant guide for us in all things if we are faithful.
Last night we waited 90 minutes to get into dinner at Red Iguana downtown. So I asked my family members how the spirit can guide us. Some of the things my siblings said are: in rough times, struggles, temptations, relationships, doubts, choices. He can inspire us to do things we can't do on our own, who to serve and how, during long prayers, when you're spiritually in trouble. My dad, his brother and my grandparents said the Holy Ghost can help us in educational pursuits, finding job opportunities, in times of our greatest needs, in grief and when we don't know what to do.
We talked about how the spirit has influenced our lives when we act on the promptings we've received. Sometimes things pop into our head and it's easy to dismiss them as just a thought. Elder Rasband said, "We must be confident in our first prompting. Sometimes we rationalize; we wonder if we are feeling a spiritual impression or if it is just our own thoughts. When we being to second-guess, even third-guess, our feelings--and we all have--we are dismissing the Spirit; we are questioning divine counsel. The prophet Joseph Smith taught that if you listen to the first promptings, you will get it right nine times out of ten." When we don't listen to spiritual promptings, we are not listening to what God wants us to know and feel. Elder Rasband continued, "Now a caution: don't expect fireworks because you responded to the Holy Ghost. Remember, you are about the work of the still, small voice."
We need to take heed to the feelings we have, and not ignore them. We need to learn how to listen to what the Spirit is trying to tell us, and then act. A lot of tie the hardest part is simply acting upon what we feel. When we have faith, the Spirit will be with us every step of the way.
Back in the good old days of primary, I remember putting on that paper black name tag and writing Sister Scott in my young messy handwriting. I was pretending to be a missionary--a representative of Jesus Christ--and that I would do whatever the Lord asked of me. My dreams of serving a mission have finally come true, though it was not always an easy road getting here.
Most of my life I had a love of the gospel. But middle school can be rough, and in eighth grade I was feeling not-so-close to the Spirit, so I made a young women's goal to read the Book of Mormon. I was about a month into reading daily when I got in a crash on a snowmobile that changed the trajectory of my life. Though I cracked my skull and orbital bone, and had a severe concussion, it was undeniable that many small miracles kept me from being more severely injured. I missed several huge trees by inches before hitting a deck without a helmet on. If I had hit the deck 1/2 inch to the right, I would've lost my eyesight. If I'd have hit six inches off in either direction, I most likely would've decapitated myself. So glad I still have my head.
At any rate, I knew I had been watched over. I knew that God was aware of me, and I felt very distinctly that He had a purpose for me on this earth. From then on I became more dedicated to the gospel and more aware of the Spirit.
I've always been someone who feels things deeply. I realize that not everyone feels the way I do. I sometimes feel things WAY too much, and the emotions can be overpowering. When I read or hear or see truth, I feel that it's right. My mom says I'm an empath, meaning I can feel other people's feelings. I think this is probably a gift, but one I've had to learn to win in so it doesn't overwhelm me.
During the next few years after my crash, I felt the Spirit strongly multiple times. Times that stand out are EFY, seminary, trek, firesides, ward activities, lessons in Sunday school and YW, personal scripture study and experiences with friends and family. I especially felt the Spirit when I got my patriarchal blessing from Patriarch Christensen, and when I read it over again. I felt like I was spiritually unstoppable, even spiritually unbreakable. But I didn't really understand how Satan works on us.
Through my own choices and experiences, I found out that Satan will take the very best parts of us and deceive us. He will use our strengths to lead us away, even very slowly and over time. Just as the Lord can take our weaknesses and turn them to strengths, Satan can do the opposite. It is his goal, in fact his only objective. When this happened to me, I didn't even notice what was happening. It was small, subtle choices that led me feel more and more distant from the Spirit. Now, you should know it's hard for me to talk about or even think about this time in my life, but I think we need to talk openly about how this happens. It was hard, but it was real and I learned so much by going through some hard things.
First Corinthians 10:13 says: There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
I want to testify to you that I went through a difficult time spiritually, but through the grace of God was able to overcome. I know the power of God is real.
During the time that I distanced myself from the Spirit, I tried to convince myself that I was doing okay, even though friends and family were concerned about me. But the truth was, deep down I knew I was not okay. And I really didn't know what to do about it.
My heart and mind were not open to the Spirit. I wasn't proud of the person I'd become and knew I was the only one who could change it. I remember being in bed late one night, unable to sleep. As I was lying there, I had the distinct feeling to say a prayer. I feel to my knees and said a simple prayer, asking if God could hear me and if He could help me. I was expecting an immediate answer but did not receive anything. The next night I had the same impression to pray again. So I knelt down, prayed to Heavenly Father and waited for my answer.
Nothing.
I experienced a lot of sleepless nights wondering how I had allowed myself to fall this far and this deep. I felt guilty, alone, unloved, lost and forgotten. I was sad, confused, hopeless and unable to focus. I couldn't really see a way out of my situation and wondered how I had become so numb to the Spirit. For someone who has always felt things so deeply, I was unable to feel . . . really anything. I had been taught that God was always there, but even though I continued to pray late at night for weeks, I still received no answer or comfort.
I tried to change myself, and sometimes felt okay for a few days, but then would fall back into this weird numbness. There were many times where I thought, "How could God accept me again after the many mistakes I have made, and continue to make?" Satan had crept his way into my heart, telling me that there was no point in trying anymore. And I had begun to believe him.
I remember sitting in my institute class thinking that it was time to give up. In the middle of that thought my teacher said that God will not turn his back on you; that you must simply try and try again. I felt like he was speaking directly to me. I remember sitting up in my seat, and feeling a weight lifted from my shoulders. I knew those words were true. I'd heard the concept before, of course, but this time it spoke to my soul right when I needed to hear it. I knew I could change, and that God would be there for me while I did so. I felt His love for me and I knew that He had always been here. He was just waiting for me to turn around and see Him again.
And so I turned toward God. It really was that easy.
Actually, it was hard. But it was simple. Turn to HIM.
It took weeks and even months to feel healed from this experience. But I knew that I was the one who needed to change. I needed to be humble and accept what He was trying to tell me. I needed to turn toward Him in every decision and be willing to accept His will for me.
This experience reminds me of the picture of Christ knocking on the door without a doorknob. For Him to enter my heart, I had to let Him in. I had to open that door and invite him inside again. I had to make space for Jesus Christ. I understood what the Spirit was telling me: I needed to try.
Trying is doing. And that is all God asks of us--to keep trying. This is what enduring is--to keep trying, even when it's hard, even when he odds seem stacked against us, and even when it means turning away from things or people who aren't good for us.
God is merciful and His arms will always be outstretched, waiting for us to return. Even though I turned away from God, He was still there. He didn't leave my life--I left His. He is there for me and he is there for you. Always.
So my prayers became more sincere, and I began to really open my heart to the things that I needed to hear from the Spirit. I can testify that God heard my prayers and my pleas for help, and my life began to turn around. I was blessed to meet many wonderful people at Utah State this past fall semester. I know without a doubt that God placed them in my life to help me through some of my darkest days, and to remind me what it was like to have the light of Christ. My family, especially my parents and siblings, loved me unconditionally and never gave up on me. I'm so thankful that I was able to experience everything I did because now I cans serve the people of Portugal with deep understanding. I am so thankful for the Savior and for the opportunity he gave me to use the Atonement and come back to Him.
I also want to testify that Satan is real. He does deceive us. He takes something that looks like truth and twists it to keep us from the real truth. Maybe it's distraction. Maybe it's doing something "good" instead of something "great." It really comes down to the small things, the small choices. We've heard this our whole life, but I can testify that it's true. Small things like daily sincere prayer, reading scripture and modern-day revelation, being in holy places, listening to uplifting music, turning away from things that numb the Spirit--all of these little things add up to BIG differences. Doing those things means we are trying. And the opposite is true, too. Small dumb things lead us to BIG dumb outcomes. (Can I get an AMEN?!)
I'm grateful for second chances--for me and for you. I'm thankful for repentance and forgiveness--they're for all of us. I'm grateful for good people in my life. And I'm especially thankful for Jesus Christ and the ability to feel the Spirit again as I've made choices that lead me to Him. In his talk Jesus Christ-The Master Healer, Russell M. Nelson said, "When sore trials come upon us, it's time to deepen our faith in God to work hard, and to serve others. Then He will heal our broken hearts. He will bestow upon us personal peace and comfort. Those great gifts will not be destroyed, even by death."
I received my mission call on January 2nd of this year, almost 6 weeks after submitting my mission papers. It was a long wait and I had plenty of time to wonder where int he world God would send me. Before opening my call, I looked at the map to guess where I would be going. I wanted to speak Spanish and thought Spain would be cool. My eyes happened to glance one country over, to Portugal, but they speak Portuguese, so I didn't really give it any thought. When I read the words: "Dear Sister Scott. You are nearby called to serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. you are assigned to labor in the Portugal Lisbon Mission" my heart blew up. I knew and still know that Portugal is where I need to be. I have felt a deeper conversion to this gospel than ever before and want others to feel as I have. Brothers and Sisters, my time has come to help bring back scattered Israel.
Alma 29:9-10 is really an amazing scripture. It says:
9 I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument int he hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy.
10 And behold, the I see many of my brethren truly penitent, and coming to the Lord their God, then is my soul filled with joy; then do I remember what the Lord has done for me, yea, event hat he hath heard my prayer; yea, then do I remember his merciful arm which he extended towards me.
I know that I have been called to be an instrument in the hands of the Lord. I cannot wait to serve the people of Portugal, for I know this is what I need to do at this time. I'm scared, anxious, bot mostly excited. I know this church is true. I know that the Book of Mormon is the true word of God and was translated by a young boy named Joseph Smith who later became a prophet of God and restored the church. I know that President Nelson is the true and living prophet on the earth today. I love my family and will miss them dearly. I know that families can be together forever. I KNOW THAT GOD LIVES.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment