Mike texted me these pictures early this morning. He is already on the road back home. He drove up there for 4 hours, slept for 4 hours and then drove home for 4 hours. Crazy, but it was nice for him to get the beanbags and 4-wheeler up. I'm excited to go there in a few days. I haven't been up since October. I can't wait to see the basement bunk beds!
I got so frustrated with Stockton today. I am beyond stressed trying to get everything done for Christmas. I had to cut out many things I wanted to do. I'll miss the lights at Temple Square again, I wanted to do the North Pole at 7 Peaks and I wanted to get gingerbread houses for several families. I had to drop all of that, mostly because of things I'm trying to do for Stockton. I picked Maysen and Stockton up from school. They stayed after for a National Honor Society meeting. I dropped Maysen off at Matt & Sam's because I didn't have time to go back home. My dad is going to bring her home later. I then drove Stockton to diving. I asked him how his day was and he rolled his eyes at me. I was so irritated and hurt. I know that is an annoying question, but I really want to know what is going on in his life. We rode the entire way to BYU in silence. I then sat in the car for another hour. The pool was closed so his diving was held in the gym. I had no idea where that was. I had to stay in the car until 4:00 because it will get ticketed if I leave before then. I hate not knowing where to go, but I finally decided to see if I could find him. I wandered around the Richard's building for awhile. There are tons of students there taking their finals. Finally a lady helped me locate them. They were in the Smith Fieldhouse. I was able to watch Stockton on the trampoline for a bit. I like watching him dive more though.
I stopped at Kohls on the way home. I ordered Stockton a nice winter coat. I just ordered the wrong size. I'm completely annoyed at this because I was sure he needed a bigger size, but I was talked out of it and second guessed myself. I brought the coat and we went to see if we could exchange it. Kohls is out of that coat everywhere. Great. Stockton and I wandered over to the other coats that were there. I was thinking, maybe I could find something else and they will exchange this one even though it isn't exactly the same one. I don't care about this particular coat, I just want something warm that will fit. I picked up a coat and asked Stockton if he wanted to try it on. He said no. I was so frustrated. I had spent a lot of time looking for a coat and I'm sorry it was the wrong size. Stockton is standing right next to a giant rack filled with coats. It will literally take him 15 seconds to try it on, and he won't do it. I put the coat back and asked him what he was planning on doing up in Idaho. He said, "You asked me if I wanted to try it on." I don't care about semantics right now. I just want to buy you a freaking coat! I said, "Fine. You will be cold and you can buy yourself a new coat." We drove home in total silence again. I was fuming when I got home. My feelings were so hurt. I was upset and told Mike I was sick of this. I'm tired of the kids not appreciating me. I feel like they only tolerate me and I hate it. Later Mike told me that Stockton was really upset. He thought I told Mike that I hated him. How could he ever think that? My entire life is revolved around him. I just want to feel like I'm more than a dog begging for crumbs and attention. Mike was frustrated that I was upset and told me he would like for there to be no yelling in our home, or something like that. I was infuriated with that comment. I had been so hurt and because I closed the door and yelled, "I hate this!" in my own room I am getting a lecture? I know there should be no yelling, this is probably the first time I have yelled in our house in Utah. We have lived here for 5 years! I just want a moment to be upset when life is overwhelming me. In conclusion, today was not the best day.
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