Betrayed

I was really sad today. Just super, super sad. I did finish Amy's stocking though. After I finished I just laid in bed. I had no desire to get up. I just felt like a complete failure. It feels like what I spent my life doing the last 21 years was a big bust. I know my other kids don't feel like Jorja does, still I just felt like I failed. The frustrating thing is we have rarely had any kind of fighting in our house. Ever. Mike and I don't fight with each other. The kids don't fight with each other. Contention just hasn't been a part of our life. Until now. I don't know how to handle it. I feel so lost. I have spent a lot of time praying and thinking over the last few days. I couldn't figure out how Jorja and her friends could spend so long at Sonic. What is there to do? Today I realized that she must have met Mitch there. I just knew it. I didn't talk to Jorja at all today until I went downstairs and told her it was time to get her passport and we needed to leave now. We drove to City Hall in complete silence. I paid over $200 for her passport and we walked to the car. I was so mad on the way home. I just couldn't handle it. I finally asked her if Mitch was at Sonic with her. She said, "Only for a second." I told her she was lying. No way he was only there for a second. Then she said it was five minutes. I asked her how he even knew she was at Sonic. Did she text him and ask him to come. Nope. They stopped by Chick-Fil-A after work to see him and hung out with him there too. I was furious. Absolutely furious. I yelled at Jorja. A lot. I am so frustrated. I have no idea what to do. Everything I have tried doesn't work. I guess I will try yelling now. I am so incredibly sick of this. I'm sick of her lying to me. I'm sick of her disobeying me. I'm sick of her disrespecting me. How did we get here? Jorja and I used to be so close. Incredibly close. Now I've lost her. I feel broken.

Well, that wasn't the worst part of today. Jorja had work from 4-10:30. She was closing, which means she could be back really late. Turns out she got home a little before midnight. While she was at work I was thinking, praying and crying. All of a sudden it dawned on me that she took Mitchell to the canyons with her. I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it was true. Mike came home and I told her about my day. I told her how I lost my temper and yelled at Jorja. I told him that she met Mitch on Monday. I told him that I bet the girls brought Mitch with them in the canyons yesterday. Mike said there was no way she would do that. No way. I wanted to believe him. I didn't think she would do that, yet I knew she did. I know Jorja thinks I have hated Mitch from the beginning, but she doesn't understand that I feel like I have been prompted with warnings from the beginning. I didn't believe Jorja would disobey us this badly, yet I felt Heavenly Father was telling me she did. It's hard to explain. Anyway, Mike and I were in bed when Jorja came home. We asked her to come in and talk to us. I asked her if Mitch went with her up to the Canyons yesterday. She said no. I put my hand on her chin and made her look me in the eyes and I asked her again. Tears came to her eyes and she whispered yes. I heard Mike gasp and I fell a little backward. Even though I knew this had happened, I still had a hard time processing this. How did Jorja justify this? Both Mike and I were clear that she was not allowed to take him with her. We ended up talking until 2:00 in the morning. Luckily Mike was there because he kept things calm. He is really good at that. We had a good conversation, but this just stinks. Mike took away her car and her phone. She isn't going to be allowed to see Mitch for a long time, as well as hanging out with Hailey or Emily. Hailey and Emily both knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jorja was not supposed to bring Mitch to the canyons. I can not believe that all three of the girls thought this was a good idea. I am furious with all three of them. I have no idea what to do and I have no idea how to parent Jorja. Everything I try blows up in my face. I know Jorja and Mitch see themselves as a Romeo and Juliet couple because I have been against this from the beginning. I have been against this because Jorja has lied to me about everything to do with Mitch. Everything. One of the things that bothers me about Mitch is he knows I don't like him. Knowing that, I still allowed him to take my daughter out on a date. Instead of doing everything he could to prove to me I could trust him with my daughter he drove her to a make-out spot and convinced her to get in the back seat of his car with him. Why would I ever let him take her out again? I know teenagers do these things, but I don't care. They don't see that they are playing with fire. I know Jorja is a great kid. She is absolutely amazing. I love her so much it hurts. But she makes terrible choices. One of her arguments is, "Everyone does it!" Like that is supposed to make everything okay? I know she tells people how crazy I am. I know her friends think I'm overprotective and feel bad for Jorja for having me as a mom; but I feel like I'm fighting for her life. I am glad that Mike was there for this conversation. He is amazing at calming situations down. Everything felt peaceful when we finally went to bed. Still, how are we going to make it through the next two and a half years?