Looking for Masks

Pretty exciting day spent doing dishes and laundry. I did go with the boys to diving. I haven't done that in quite awhile. Stockton was looking fantastic. Jorja was alone most of the day. She stayed after school for her improv thing. Her theater partner Tess came over and they worked on their scene. They are supposed to perform it tomorrow. When I got home Jorja was laying on her floor wrapped in a blanket. I tried to get her to talk to me about her day. I was excited to hear how the improv went. She asked if we could go to Zurchers to get a mask for her costume. Jorja and Tess are burglars. We looked around Zurchers forever. They had red masks, white masks, silver masks, blue masks, yellow masks. Basically any color except black. That was frustrating. We bought silver masks. Hopefully that will work. Jorja begged me to drive home. She did great, but I was a wreck the entire time.

Once we got home I asked Jorja if she had found out if the freshman student government wanted to do gingerbread houses and what time. I need to start working on them. I'm hoping they can do it this weekend, because that would be the easiest time for me. Jorja hadn't asked them. She is scared to because she thinks they don't like her. I asked her to just send a message on GroupMe. If they say yes, they say yes. If they say no, think of a new plan. Well, that put Jorja into another panic attack. It is frustrating to me because she seems to get these attacks when she feels I am disappointed in her. I wasn't disappointed, I just needed to know if I need to bake all day. I could see the attack coming and I said, "Jorja, don't." That just made it worse. Then I did something that made it even worse. I told her to please stop, that she is making me feel like a horrible mom. Yep. I said that. I meant it too. You would think I yell and scream and insult her with how bad her attacks are. I don't. I never raise my voice. Jorja's eyes fill with fear, she starts gasping for breath and I don't know how to help bring her back down. I grabbed water for her to drink. That worked before. It didn't work this time. She couldn't swallow. I heard Mike come home from Cyber Monday. I ran upstairs to get him. I came down to find Jorja on the bathroom floor. She was hyperventilating and sobbing, "What is wrong with me?" Jorja hadn't had a panic attack for one month. October 27th was the date of her last one. I was hoping she was through with them. Guess not. I wish I knew how to help her.